Always an exquisite crafter of words, my friend Jeffrey Augustine (AKA, J. Swift) has totally outdone himself this time. The truth about #Scientology revealed in scorching satire is his specialty. From the “About” page: “As the Dictator of the Church Scientology, David Miscavige engages in egregious human rights abuses, financial wrongdoing using parishioner funds, and generally lies whenever he opens his mouth. The function of satire, therefore, is to lampoon malicious idiots like David Miscavige and his best friend Tom Cruise.”

Top Secret: US Gov’t Psychological Profile of David Miscavige.

Subject “DM” is a WM 5’1′” 118 pounds. Blue eyes, brown hair. Age 63.

DM is the sole authoritarian leader of a small and declining radicalized psychoterrorist organization headquartered in Clearwater, Florida. Subject responds to the names “COB” or “Sir” and our operatives must use the form of address when interacting with him.

Evaluated as a violent and paranoid narcissist by DHS and FBI profilers, subject is prone to extreme acts and irrational thoughts and actions. Subject prone to grandiose ideations such as “saving the planet” and “planetary clearing.” Subject believes this outcome can be achieved by the purchase of real estate; the distribution of pamphlets; and the creation and posting of hate websites against his critics and the former members of his psychoterrorist organization who have spoken out against him and the illegal and/or brutal practices of his organization, i.e. Fair Game. That these practices, which typically create unwanted and high levels of negative publicity, are irrational, counterproductive, and ultimately self-destructive to both himself and his organization never occurs to the subject.

For the full effect, follow this link.